Category Archives: Ideas

Visual Poetry: _Romero_

Hi Dorigen,

I have some fabulousness to share! My friend, and brilliant poet, Olivia Cronk, is creating a docu-soap-opera-fantasy series. These videos are decadent visual poetry, linked to her current manuscript, _Interro-Porn_. And I am staring in Episode 1: “Did you summon my man to a railroad room?”!

I KNEW that P.J.-inspired dress would come in handy one day. I feel very fancy. I think I need wigs; lots of wigs, like a room of wigs. And an ombre brow.

Watch the soap opera unfold here: https://twitter.com/InterroPorn.

Love you!

Em

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Maxi Dresses

Emily,

I just bought and returned a maxi dress. And felt good about that decision after reading this:
http://jezebel.com/death-to-the-maxi-dress-a-manifesto-1702248877.

Dorigen


Dorigen,

Loved the article. Hilarious!

maxidress

Cute on Anthopologie model does not equal cute on Anthropologie patron

And I can relate. I was feeling good about my figure; that is, until I saw pictures of myself in a blue and white striped maxi (during our last CA visit). Totally unflattering; I looked like I was fartin’ around in a nightgown. That maxi dress was immediately donated (I don’t have a burning permit).

I then started researching my body shape – why do some dresses look good on me and others induce binge ice cream consumption? I had always figured I was either apple or hour-glass shaped, which is confusing because these two options really just cancel each other out. But here’s what I’m working with:

  1. I have a proportionally large chest and a gut that cannot be ignored.
  2. I have “sausage” arms.
  3. I nip in a bit at the waist.
  4. I also have narrow hips and broad shoulders.

Historically, I’ve been focusing on points 1 and 2, but according to this super simplified quiz, I should have been focusing on points 3 and 4. After answering just one quiz question, it is decided that I have an inverted triangle body shape, and that “gut” actually CAN be ignored (with clever outfitting). 

For me, Maxi dresses only play up the bad, and hide the good, point-for-point, as compared to my above listed characteristics:

  1. Maxi dresses hide the gut, I’ll give it that, but really highlight the chest, which I would rather diminish. Maxi dresses often have v-neck tops that require an extra layer of fabric in the form of a modesty tab or camisole; not cute.
  2. To counteract all that material on the bottom, maxi dresses are often sleeveless, thus exposing those problematic arms.
  3. Maxi dresses are usually empire, nipping in right under the chest, thus further highlighting it. Not every dress can be saved by a belt.
  4. Perhaps the sleeveless design is actually helping to narrow the wide shoulders (visually cutting them up), but this becomes a moot point in light of the nonsense going on in points 1-3.

With a decidedly inverted triangle body shape, I need structure.

  1. I need to be mindful of neckline (not too high, not to low – baby bear porridge-neckline).
  2. Personal preference: sleeves. Sleeves! Ideally elbow-ish length or longer.
  3. Dresses that nip in at my natural waistline.
  4. Dresses that flare out at the bottom (a-line or a fit-and-flare) to balance out the top.

These are the kinds of things I have been researching during my no-shopping-for-a-year cleanse; 259 days to go. In the interim, these are the summer dresses I will be thinking about.

Love you, 

Em

This is My Hair – The Art of Lying

Dorigen,

Everything about this video is a fabulous lie, especially “I’m only going to say this once.” Its not even Alaska performing as Alaska the whole time. Brilliant.

There is truth. This IS her hair; she bought it; she has the receipt. And she is owning it.

Also, I like her hair.

Em

Cashmere for Babies

Dear Emily,

Your beloved J.Crew has just launched a line for babies.  This is an adorable sweater:

hug me

The question is, does my 3 month old child need a $93 sweater made out of (hypoallergenic) baby alpaca wool hand knit in Bolivia by “a self-managed community of indigenous women, enabling them to afford proper health care and schooling for their children”?  The answer: No.  What are your thoughts?

Dorigen

Dear Dorigen,

Le sigh.  Le purr.  Le cashmerrrrrrre for babies.

Now, I can understand the obvious connection between babies ‘N cashmere: babies are wonderful and soft and precious and expensive; cashmere is wonderful and soft and precious and expensive.  But, I cannot with babies IN cashmere; these little guys are messy.

If they are lucky, 9 out of 10 babies will be begrudgingly stuffed into one of these tangerine stripped cashmere sweatshirts or a heather grey onesie with a heart/pirate insignia and immediately spew whatever they can all over it, in every impossible direction.  Babies want to be naked anyway, and they don’t understand that this confection wrapped around them cost $178, plus tax and shipping.

Admittedly, I am all for spending a significant price on clothing if need be, i.e. I have said to myself that I will wear these fancy dark wash, straight leg jeans for one year, so I will spend the $129.  But best laid plans something something dark side, because my $129 jeans, purchased oh a few months ago, just ripped a gaping hole in the crotch on my way to work today.  The diligent sew job with the Walgreen’s sewing kit at $4.99 only angered the hole, which reasserted itself more aggressively throughout the day, until I had to then feverishly seek out the nearest Gap for less-than-fancy dark wash, straight leg jeans on sale for $53.  They are mom jeans.

For all that extra spending, I could have just gotten my darling baby niece a darling baby cashmere sweater for a quick snapshot before all the spewing.   So, in about face conclusion, “sure” to baby cashmere, and “absolutely” to sweatpants.

Love you,

Em

2013 Fashion Goals and Whatnot

Dear Dorigen,

I went gluten free and lost 10 lbs, so now I’m looking at clothes that aren’t tents.  Here are my top fashion images for effortless / preppy / boho / equestrian / 60’s librarian / 70’s feminist / aristocrat.  Werk.

prepBOHO_1

Every outfit is improved with a blazer, but I think this image is made by the errand umbrella-let .

I like to think that this shirt is emerald green.

I like to think that this shirt is emerald green and she plays the cello.

tibi.com

tibi.com.

Also, to keep spending to a minimum, I have decided to limit 2013 to obtaining only 5 key pieces:

1) Navy blazer– I may pick it up this weekend, thanks to awesome J-Crew Christmas gift certificates!!!

2) Straight dark jeans – I don’t think I have ever owned the elusive perfect pair of jeans, even when I was a size 6 for a week and a half in 2003.

Oprah-200-lbs-02

Oprah knows what I’m talking about.

3) Button down, collared shirt in white (or black) – so difficult to find a white shirt that is not transparent.

4) Nude flats – penny loafers or oxfords

Sadly the nude color is no longer available (yep, J-Crew)

Sadly, the nude color is no longer available (yep, J-Crew)

5) Summer shoes – this is a necessity, because all of my shoes are somehow boots.  I’m thinking something in a Worishofer, because I am a hipsternt.

man repeller?

What are your fashion goals for 2013?

Love,

Em

Dear Emily,

I love and fully support your vision for 2013 and am jealous that I cannot myself in good faith wear much of what you’ve posted here.  As you may have heard, I am pregnant. This being my first child, I have no idea what I’m doing, what to expect or how to deal with the changes my body is going through.  I guess my fashion goal for 2013 is to be a Cute Pregnant Person.  This is difficult to do when your body changes daily and you have no idea what clothes will fit/look cute a week from now.  All I do know is that my entire current wardrobe looks like crap on me right now.  I am 15 weeks along and have less of a “cute baby bump” than a horrific thickening of the waist and all other body parts which prevents me from buttoning/zipping any of my clothes. 

It seems silly to me to spend tons of money on a new wardrobe that will probably not fit me in 2 months and definitely not fit after I have the baby.  That said, I cannot spend the next six months uncomfortable and hideously dressed.  It’s a conundrum.  I bought one of these:

bella band group-new

Since you have no reason to know about the BellaBand, it is a “seamless maternity band designed to hold up unbuttoned jeans or too loose maternity pants.”  Let me give you a tip: these do not work.  In theory, you are able to wear your regular jeans unbuttoned with this tube of elastic pulled over your crotch and belly and your pants suddenly become comfortable and stay up.  In reality, you are wearing unbuttoned unzipped pants with a tube of elastic over them pressing the button and zipper into the tender skin of your abdomen and utterly failing to keep your pants from falling down or to convince anyone that you are not wearing your jeans unbuttoned and unzipped with a tube of elastic wrapped around them. 

For the moment, I have resorted to wearing leggings all weekend and tights and elasticized-waisted dresses during the week.  Unfortunately, this means I am alternating approximately 3 outfits at work.  I am going to have to do some major maternity clothes shopping and just cringe at the thought of it.  There is some hideous shit out there.   Truth.

onesie

My hope is to be more of a Selma Blair than a Jessica Simpson pregnant lady, but I don’t have the budget of either.

Bad:

jessica

Good:

selma blair

 I am still figuring out this whole thing and will keep you posted. 

Now about those Worishofer sandals…  No.  Please review my comments on the hideous clog mules you were coveting this time last year.
Might I suggest a classic strappy flat from Madewell?  Love these.

sandal

Love,

Dorigen