Monthly Archives: October 2012

Bib Necklace

Dorigen,

Olivia Palermo will wrestle a grandmother to the ground for a bib necklace.

I’ll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.

And she wears her trophies well, but can real people wear these bibs without them looking like bibs?

Emily

Emily,

You may know that I am guilty of loving a bib necklace.  IMHO, you can really dress up an otherwise ordinary outfit with a nice chest-piece full of beads and what-not.  I own several, much to the dismay of my dear husband.  He calls them amulets and makes lots of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom references when I wear them.  I think the bib necklace falls into that category of fashion that women love and men hate. 

I recently discovered that there is a new phenomenon in the world of “statement” necklaces: the collar.  As its name implies, it is a necklace in the shape of a collar.  Anthropologie’s website has an entire page and sub-category devoted to them.

I find the collar at best twee and at worst truly hideous, when expressed in its downmarket incarnation: 

The above picture illustrates just how difficult it is to accessorize.  You think you’re following a trend and sprucing up your every day look and you end up looking like you just escaped the crafts tent at camp Minnetonka in 1976. 

Say what you will about Olivia Palermo – she is probably most famous for being the most horrible person on a terrible show – but bitch knows how to accessorize.

This is an unwearable outfit for 99% of the population and yet she is pulling it off.  I don’t know how.  That said, I WOULD attempt to rock that bib necklace, but maybe with a solid monochromatic outfit. But I also don’t get paid to offer my advice on mixing high and low fashions.  Bitch.

Love,

Dorigen

Advertisements

Truly Outrageous

Emily,

Please explain Jem and the Holograms and its implication on modern society.

Dorigen

Dorigen,

For the sisters who are uninitiated…

 “Jem and the Holograms” was an 80’s cartoon show about a well-intentioned rock band and their misadventures with a hologram technology that created the alter ego “Jem” for Jerrica Benton, a recently orphaned heiress to a record company and an orphanage for girls. 

As random as that may sound, “Jem and the Holograms” was on point with sitcoms of the 80’s:

  1. they killed off the mom character and
  2. the show was created in collaboration with Hasbro, and many dolls were sold.  They were awesome; albeit manish in comparison to Barbie. 

Those are some big shoes to fill, “girl.”

I recently watched all 65 episodes (mostly in one sitting), and I learned a thing or two about life, love, and sequins.  Basically, that they are all in the same.  Oh, and that song lyrics really only need one phrase put on a repeat mix.

That deep cut was brought to you by the The Misfits, the bad girls to the do-gooding Holograms, and as advertised, they really made some mischief!  Seriously, they nearly kill somebody every episode.  They will cut a b*tch for a pair of hot pants. 

Back on topic… I also learned that, for a children’s show about drag queens (yeah, I said it), “Jem and the Holograms” can be for reals judgmental.  Like in Season 1, Episode 25: Culture Clash, when Jem openly mocked “concept art.”  Darling, with five and a half pink Pomeranians on your head, you are in no position to read.  Also, Jem was having none of the actor from Season 3, Episode 4: Beauty and the Rock Promoter, after he took off his electric beast costume.  (Is that what happened to Robsten?)

So in conclusion, “Jem and the Holograms” is the best PSA for children of any era, who need to learn how to let a man down easy.

Love,

Emily