Monthly Archives: July 2012

Scandal

Emily,

Please explain the media’s obsession with the sordid tale of the billionaire Rausing couple and their descent into drug addiction and death and how it may or may not relate to the novels of V.C. Andrews.

Dorigen

Dorigen

Thank you for the best question ever, because I am fascinated with this story.   I will now relay the events in V.C. Andrews styling, i.e. episodically, with a prequel and an epilogue. 

Book 1

Hans Rausing (unemployed and filthy rich) is pulled over by the police for erratic driving; he is clearly drunk.  In his car, the cops find drugs and a bag containing unopened letters addressed to his wife, Eva.  Who knows what crazed nonsense comes out of his mouth after he explains that his wife is in “California,” because this (all-too-common) drunk driving incident arouses so much suspicion that a warrant is immediately issued to search the house of Hans.

Book 2

 With search warrant in hand, the police enter the Rausing mansion with the intent to search for drugs.  The drug search does occur and they do find a lot (cocaine, heroin, crack, etc), but that happens after the cops follow the smell of a rotting corpse. 

Book 3

In a room filled with flies, Eva’s body is found under a 4 foot pile of clothes and garbage.  This is a taped shut room within a room with in a room with in an annex of a mansion filled with such convergences, with all doors barricaded by various pieces of furniture.  Of course, these precautions do not barricade the smell.  Her body is in advanced stages of decay – initial reports suggesting 4 days, but it turns out to be months.    

Book 4

 After an autopsy, the cause of Eva’s death is still unknown, presumably because of the massive decay.  Hans is arrested, but not questioned until many days later, due to his very real medical need for alcohol detoxification.  Hans is later officially charged with “preventing the lawful and decent burial” of his wife.  This shy, ne’er-do-well, confused, vacant billionaire is then sentenced to a suspended jail term of 10 months.  

Book 5 – Prequel

Hans was not charged with murder, because Eva was on borrowed time.  She had a pacemaker, she was once caught with thousands of dollars of crack, and she lost her mind at some regal social event at Buckingham Palace.  She knew she was going to die; everyone knew she was going to die.  Check out the Eva Rausing “death emails” – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2173635/Eva-Rausing-death-Emails-edge-tragedy-struck.html

Epilogue

 I actually think the news media has done a decent job sympathetically reporting on this salacious story.  Eva had a drug problem, which led to her death, and Hans has a drug problem, which led to his crazed problem solving skills.  I wonder what will be said when this happens to my boy.

Love,

Emily

P.S. Recommended Readings…

A)    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/12/world/europe/british-tabloids-afire-with-death-of-heiress-eva-rausing.html?_r=1&pagewanted=1

B)    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/9409092/Eva-Rausings-body-found-under-bin-bags-two-months-after-she-was-last-seen-alive.html

C)    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/02/world/europe/tetra-pak-heir-pleads-guilty-to-preventing-wifes-burial.html

 

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Pointy Shoulder Blazer

Dorigen,

Please explain a pointed-shoulder blazer.

Emily

Emily,

I cannot possibly discuss pointy shoulder blazers without first sharing this amazing video of a local TV news anchor mocking two of the Kardashians wearing their matching versions of such:

Priceless.  Their voices are intolerable. 

Yeah, I don’t know.  I am old enough to remember shoulder pads and 80s power suits and am thus old enough to be shocked that they ever made a comeback, but what the hell do I know?  And when I think of 80s power suits, I obviously think of Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead.

Single mother of five goes on vacation, babysitter dies, teenage Christina Applegate (!) lies about age to get high-powered fashion industry job to support family.  Amazing 80s power officewear ensues!  Wonderful!!  How does this movie only have 31% on Rotten Tomatoes?  Oh right, because it’s actually horrible.  I have seen it at least 10 times.   And so have you.  Because we taped it off of TV and watched that VHS cassette until no adjustment of the “tracking” knob could fix it. 

Dorigen

Dorigen,

Yes.  OMG.  My favorite part of DTMTBD is when Applegate is daydreaming about her burger (tacos?) truck boyfriend, and clown music plays.  Love.  Do you remember her herringbone braid?  White-wine spritzers?  Oh, and those ridiculous fashion uniforms that save the day?!  I loved every work day outfit of hers and often think of them when putting together my work looks.  Today I wore plastic hot pink shoes with my suit.  Work.

Emily

Handbags

Emily,

I know in theory that my owning this $500 handbag will not solve any of the problems I may or may not have in my life, but when I held it today, it really felt like it might.  Why are handbags so expensive??  Why can’t I be satisfied carrying my belongings in a plastic handled Duane Reade bag?  My consumerism scares me.

Help,

Dorigen

Dorigen,

If you have come to me for reason, you have come to the wrong sister.  Behold the anti-plastic Duane Reade option that I covet…

Marc Jacobs

I have been hunting for a sophisticated, cross-body, tan leather purse that fits an iPad and maybe a shoe for some time now.  I found perfection in this Marc Jacobs for $428.  This bag is my “forever sweater,” if you will.  But, I’m sorry, that’s crazy money that I do not have. 

I warn you, when you visit in a couple weeks, we are going to Saks to stroke this purse in person. 

I have already shown this purse to anyone who will listen, including an aunt on the hubbie side that you need to meet, who is a stylist, and who has a super cool blog about shoes: www.shoes-of.com.  And, yes, this is a pic of me in my fav Aerosoles that I wore to your wedding.  They are my “walking heels.” 

Anywho, I completely refuse to help you with your purse/consumerism plight.  All I can do is feed the beast. 

Emily

P.S. J Crew (AKA J Cute, AKA J Crute) has some nice options for less, but they are either tiny or gargantuan; take your pick. 

jean shorts

Dorigen,

Please explain a jean short.

Emily

Emily,

The super short super distressed jean short seems to be a thing right now.  I recently went out to the shops in my Brooklyn neighborhood looking to buy a pair of shorts to bike in, and was faced with mostly this:

You can’t ride a bike in those.  There would be chafing.  They are what we used to call, back on the mean streets of 1990s Milwaukee, Wisconsin, “coochie cutters,” with slight updates to the wash and rise.   The technical term for what you can see just below the hem of the young lady in white’s shorts are her “booty rounds.”  95% of the population should not be wearing these shorts, if only for gynecological hygeine, and yet they are ubiquitous.  I just don’t know anymore.

Fondly,

Dorigen